What parents should study and the precautions they should take while imprinting sanskars on children !

Some parents are distressed by thoughts such as their child is not in good company, or due to his friends the child is developing bad habits. Even after explaining repeatedly, the child does not listen. Hence, how should children be told what is right and wrong today ? How should good sanskars be imprinted on them ? This Article is a heart-to-heart interaction with such parents with the intention of reducing their stress to some extent.

In our issue of 1^st to 15^th February 2026, we read about every individual being governed by the sanskars (Subconscious impressions) of past births present on his subconscious mind, what are sanskars, and the stages of imparting sanskars as per Scriptures. Here, we look at the next part. (Part 2)

– Mr Yogesh Jaltare
(Group Editor, Sanatan Prabhat Periodicals, 19.11.2024)

4. Study the root cause of why children do not listen !

Today, one common complaint of many parents is that no matter how much they explain, children do not listen to them and have gone beyond listening. There are two main reasons for children not listening to their parents.

A. One reason is the influence of time : At present, since the proportion of Raja*-Tama** components in the environment has increased greatly, even adults require greater energy to remove inappropriate sanskars and imbibe the proper ones. This applies to children as well. Hence, more positive energy is required to bring about the change. Parents should study how positive energy can be generated in them.

*Raja – One of the three basic components in the Universe, signified by activity & passion

**Tama – One of the three basic components in the Universe, signified by inertia & ignorance

B. Parents themselves need to have good sanskars : When we tell children that something is inappropriate, it should be firmly imprinted on our own mind that it is so and our conduct should be in accordance.

If we ourselves have even a slight inappropriate sanskar about something, then even if we tell children to avoid it, they will not listen to us, because then, our words will lack Chaitanya (Divine consciousness). In this context, a beautiful example of Shri Ramkrishna Paramhansa is narrated in discourses or kirtans.

Once, a woman came to Shri Ramkrishna Paramhansa with her son and expressed her anguish, ‘My son eats a lot of jaggery. Please guide him properly and tell him not to.’ Shri Ramkrishna Paramhansa did not say a word to the boy, but told the woman, ‘Bring the child back to me after eight days’. After eight days, He told the boy, ‘Son, do not eat too much jaggery’. Thereafter, the boy’s habit of eating jaggery reduced.

Seeing this, the boy’s mother asked Him, ‘If you had told him the same thing earlier, would his habit not have reduced from then itself ?’ He replied, ‘No; because eight days ago, I myself had the habit of eating a lot of jaggery. If I had told him then, it would not have had any effect on him. I myself stopped eating jaggery, and only then told the boy to reduce it. Hence, the appropriate effect was seen’. From this example of Shri Ramkrishna Paramhansa, parents would definitely realise where they go wrong.

5. Precautions parents should take while performing sanskars on children

A. Parents should change their own inappropriate habits : To imprint appropriate sanskars on children, first parents need to change some of their own inappropriate habits, because young children are imitative by nature. Children imitate their parents’ behaviour and speech. This leads to creation of inappropriate sanskars on them that behaving the way their parents do, is appropriate. Given here are two examples.

I asked a young girl, “How much time do you spend in a day looking at the mobile ?” She replied, “I watch reels for one hour”. Her father was standing nearby. He said, “No, sometimes she uses the mobile longer”. Immediately, the girl pointed out her father’s mistake and told me, “Papa watches the mobile far more than me”. In another instance, when a mother told her young son, ‘Do not play games on the mobile’, the boy replied, “You watch your favourite serials the whole day; do I say anything to you ? Just as you like serials, I like games. So do not tell me anything”. The mother had no answer. These are the daily arguments between parents and children in every household regarding mobile phone usage.

Now, let us take an example of inappropriate speech. When a 4-5-year-old boy would ask his mother for something, she would say, “Take it yourself. Are your hands and legs broken ?” The boy imprinted this sentence on his mind as an ideal answer. One day, when the mother asked him for water, he replied, “Take it yourself. Are your hands and legs broken ?” On hearing this, everyone around scolded the boy for back-answering his mother; but they did not realise where the real mistake lay.

Some mothers affectionately and playfully address their sons as ‘Oh, my queen’, and address daughters as ‘my prince’. On this, a senior kirtankar once said that parents should avoid this, because addressing a boy as ‘queen’ from childhood unknowingly creates feminine sanskars on him, that is, sanskars of behaving like a woman; similarly, calling a girl ‘prince’ creates masculine sanskars on her. The underlying reason is that word, touch, form, taste, fragrance and their energies co-exist. Intellectuals may consider this an exaggeration; however, if such parents observe the behaviour of their own children, they will realise the reality.

B. Family members should be mindful while speaking in front of children : Another important discipline that family members must follow is to be mindful while speaking in front of children. Some parents speak to elders in an inappropriate language in front of children. Some elders speak improperly to their own children in front of grandchildren. Some people point out shortcomings of other family members and discuss their faults. Parents and family members do not realise that through all this, they are unknowingly imparting negative sanskars on children.

Upon seeing a child’s inappro-priate behaviour, some people remark, ‘He has become like his uncle or behaves like his maternal uncle or speaks like his grandfather, or grandmother ! …’ Through this, children feel that someone earlier also behaved and spoke like them; far from feeling remorse about their own behaviour, a feeling of looking down upon elders arises in their mind. Family members also do not realise that such speech hurts others in the household. Children carry these same negative sanskars forward.

At times, arguments take place between the parents in front of children over explaining what is right and wrong, with one parent taking the child’s side. As a result, children too consider their own side as correct and try to explain how the mother or father is wrong. This also creates a sanskar of answering back to parents. Hence, even if husband and wife notice shortcomings in each other while imparting sanskars on children, they should discuss them in private and, as far as possible, avoid such discussions in front of children.

Some parents start speaking in English when they want to discuss a topic in front of children. Even though children may not understand anything at that time, a sanskar is formed that something special is happening. Therefore, family members must be very careful while speaking in front of children.

C. When it becomes necessary to punish children while imparting proper sanskars, do not become emotional : In many households, it is seen that when a child makes a mistake and the father scolds him, the mother intervenes and asks the father to restrain himself or takes the child aside affectionately. When the mother scolds the child, the father does the same. Due to this, children do not understand the seriousness of their parents’ reprimand.

Sometimes, children cry stubbornly and parents fulfil their demands so that the child stops crying; however, they forget that through this they are imparting inappropriate sanskars. The child then uses stubbornness as a weapon to get improper demands fulfilled.

Sometimes a mother punishes the child, but after a while her heart softens and she herself withdraws the punishment. This also makes children realise that parents will eventually relent; thus, reducing the seriousness of discipline. Hence, without becoming emotional, parents should adopt a disciplinary method until the child realises the mistake.

(To be continued in our next Issue.)

– Mr Yogesh Jaltare (Editor-In-Chief, Sanatan Prabhat Media Group)

For more such Texts, visit : Sanatan.org/en

To imprint appropriate sanskars on children, first parents need to change some of their own inappropriate habits !